Wednesday, May 30, 2012

It's out, I woke up alive and survived the night!!!

Terrified yesterday I went through with my bands removal. My doctor wants to do the revision surgery in 2 stages to minimize the risks. Whilst I get thing from my article search on all the medical journals I have to say I was a bit disappointed. For 3 reasons
1. I have annual leave at the moment till June 18th and getting it over with now would mean no more time off work.
2. I will find out when the gastric sleeve can happen today it may be 3-6 months.
3. I will be free falling with out a band or anything for that matter for this time .. Ok there's a 4th
I want my life back

The pain of getting it out hasn't been so bad. I hate waking up from the general feeling like a truck has run you over and a horse kicking you in the guts. Once I got back to the ward 6pmish and could wake up a bit more I texted and rang everyone who wanted to know I was ok. Slowly got moving bathroom stop and got out of that ugly gown!! Managed with just panadol till 1030pm. Managed 1/2 hot tea, apple juice and a small jelly.

It's 650am now and I have managed to nap between blood pressure checks and 4 hourly panadol. So home today with hopefully so Idea about when I may be able to have the sleeve.

A lovely thing that happened was that the nurse looking after me tonight has had a sleeve 2 years ago . She lost 48kg in 18 months feels well rarely hungry and manages all foods. So inspiring to talk too and she gave me some info for the doctor we both are using and his Facebook support forum,

Blogger on my iPhone is amazing I am going to be blogging this whole thing .


Gorgeous gown and stocking and the IVT pole I'll post some. Photos of my new scars soon.

Monday, May 28, 2012

2 days till the band comes out

I having been trying to write this post for days ... So I have thought long and hard about this band and the last 2 years
and today is the day it comes out ...

Do I feel like a failure ?
In someways sure I know I could have done things differently. Then on the other hand I think I gave it a pretty good go.

This time last year I was in the America feeling skinny having a awesome holiday weight 107kg today I checked into the hospital at 131kg . I was speechless at the numbers, 2kg high then the day I arrived here for my Lapband 2 years 3 months ago. I also had a flash back to feeling 107kg feeling dizzy, dehydrated, constantly nervous in social situations regular pb's and some times  vomiting blood. I think I vomited almost everyday for the last 12 months. The abdo wall irritation is constant now where the tubing runs.

What does this all mean ? Where to from now? It's pretty clear that I need help. My  relationships feel chaotic and I am reminded of the stats about relationship failure that I read in the beginning of this. Do relationships struggle when lapbands work well and when they fail ? There is glimmers of hope but they all centre around me taking charge of my life and making some changes starting with removing the lapband.

Terrified to get it out and be on my own but more terrified about not being an active participant in my life...

Am I doing the right thing I'll never know ... Well maybe I will only time will tell  ...