Saturday, November 3, 2012

Day 2 sleeved and I am home !!! YAY

Hi All ,

I came home this afternoon after a 2 night stay.

The hospital staff were fantastic and very supportive, each day I got an apple juice 100mls and a up&go for all 3 meals. I had a lovely room looking right at the city all to my self. My doc came in both days to see how I was.

Friday I was still finding my feet had bouts of feeling sick and odd cramping. I slept well last night though and was awake at 5am feeling really good !!! By 830am I was up hair washed, blow dried and straightened make up on sitting on a freshly made bed, just hanging around. Well actually I was shopping up a storm on my ipad ops...

So my doc came in about 11am and said wow you look good do you want to go home ?? 
Yes please was my response!! 

So I got home about 230pm with panadol, pariet, buscopan and maxalon. I met a great dietician she was amazing have all the info in my little book now and will just see how we go from now on in.

So nice to be home, I am tired but pain is much less then when I had my band in and out! Infact I have no pain just mild tummy cramps every now and again.

I feel so relieved that its done I am sleeved on the other side and haven't faired too badly, so far. 

The best part I literally just remembered ... I may actually loose some weight from this whoo hoo it kinda got forgotten in all the worry and stress of the procedure and recovery! 

Onward and upward we go xox

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Made it to the other side

So here I am finally sleeved !!!!

Everything went ok, I was a ball of nerves but managed to Get through it ok. Post op yesterday was a hard day I woke with some intense pain in recovery and needed all sorts of meds to get it under control. I then went on to have a 50ml vomit of blood. Which was gross ! That has now settled this morning, they are keeping on top of pain and nausea meds as we don't want a repeat.

I am just so relived to be through to the other side !!! Will keep you posted!


Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Two Days !!!!

Two Sleeps until my sleeve op.....

 I have been trying to fit a lot in before my sleeve and work has been off the scale busy 70+ hour week for me last week. I have done 10days straight! Tomorrow at 8am I am finally finished work just in time to do some last minute things before sleeve day !!!

Tonight I planted veggies and weeded the garden because I don't think I'll be able to beds down to the plots for a little while.

I had my last appointment today, consents signed, times set, final instructions from the Doc.. oh and a weigh in.. dismal have not lost a gram since I saw him a few weeks ago. Massive anxiety but also a huge reality check the sleeve is the right choice for me.

So apart from having lots of anxiety about dying on the table, waking up in the middle of the OP and that horrid moment they wake you up and you feel like you have been hit by a bus in recovery I am pretty calm !!! Can you tell !!!

So have talked myself off the ledge a few times this week and today the doc really put it into perspective and normalised my fear and anxiety kinda.....

So discussions when I get there on Thursday will be Pre med and Post Med related I want lots of both please!!!

So one of the last things on my list is before photos and measurements!

 Apparently I am going to be in 3 nights, i think I may go mad in there. Ill have my ipad so will be sure to update you all.

Fearless .... My word for 2012 .... Feel the Fear and do it anyway !


I have been watching the footage on TV of NYC and the destruction that Sandy has caused! I am thinking all of you in NY and your families and hope you are all safe. I can't imagine what it would be like to be there now. I love NYC this is so sad. much love to you all xox 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

8 days .....

8 days .............. 8 freaking days till my sleeve surgery!

I am having all types of emotions my head is so busy with just digesting everything.

On the to do list is before photos and measurements, reading blogs has taught me how motivating this can be in the journey.

I've started stocking piling teas,shakes and a few other bits and pieces for my 2 weeks of recovery .

I am so ready for a change of pace .. I welcome this new chapter of my life and what life has in store for me next


Sunday, October 21, 2012

The countdown begins

                                                   10 Days till sleeve day !!!!!!

                              I am getting a little nervous now !! 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Slight pause to digest all the info !

So my sleeve op is now 7 weeks away !!! 

So I have come across a blog post from surgeon that has taken some recent data and done his own summary about what it all means. My take on this article is that he is suggesting that Lap band & Gastric bypass are much better in terms of safety and outcome. Reading this so close to my op has certainly sent me into a bit of a spin and I am on the hunt for more info. Whilst it will not change my plans I just want all the information.
I think I am having a reality check, just digesting what's actually going to happen and maybe a mini freak out! I still have this sense of what if it doesn't work? I feel so shattered that the lap band didn't work for me. The lap band failure was like this massive fall from success and for me everyone saw it ! I think I am still getting over that! 

The only way is forward!

Is it normal to feel so emotional about the whole thing? The feelings are so layered excitiment, anticipation, fear with a dash of overwhelmed. And maybe a tiny bit of wow this maybe work!

Heading out to enjoy the gorgeous sunshine xxxx

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Counting the days !

1 month 3 weeks and 5 days till Sleeve day !!

Its so random walking through the plus size departments and having to stop my self looking and buying clothes.. I think somewhere deep down I don't believe that I will ever be able to shop in the normal section ... I wonder if those already banded felt that way at this point.

I've gone up a size in scrubs at work :( oh the misery continues ...

I have been taking Duromine 15mg and having 2x Isowhey shakes a day, I was amazed at how much energy I had. I have been counting calories on my fit pal on my iPhone.

I  have been having moments of excitement and then panic ! What if something goes wrong what if there are complications what if it hurts more then I thought it would arhhhh!!! Then little bullets of bliss with moments of "wow this may actually work" ... Two big emotions. The words not reversible play on my mind !


Monday, August 27, 2012

The limbo continues

So the odd limbo continues, with just over 2 month to go now until I have the sleeve op I am feeling perhaps at my lowest point ever !  I have gained 9kg since March, but to me it feels like 30kg I feel so heavy, no energy and my body aches everyday. I don't know what to do with myself, when will this end.

I don't use the word depressed very often, but I am not sure what else to call it... I am anxious about possibly seeing people that I know who may have seen me at a good weight with the band. If I do see them I spend the next 10mins after the encounter going through in my head what they thought of me for having gained weight and "wasting" the band... I apologies in my head to them, vowing the next time they see me things will be different. This then sends me into a spin of what I look like and who will I see next wow its exhausting.

I work in a large hospital full of women, people are always commenting on what people wear, you look great, you look tired, ect ect  I like your shoes, belt, nail polish. There are groups that are so obsessed ! I constantly feel people are looking... I wear smart/casual clothes 80% of the time and scrubs when I am looking after a patient. At the moment its taking me anywhere from 20-90mins to find something to wear and usually involves 2-3 changes.

I am done I am so over my body it feels so broken ... I am so ready for the next thing,,, My doc has given me a script for D-u-r-o-m-i-n-e  (SP) to suppress my huger and try to stop any further weight gain before surgery ... I am a little terrified of it, he thinks 8 weeks of this will be helpful and that I wont have to do a long  post op diet if I don't gain any more weight.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Head First Fearless ..

Head first FEARLESS is my inspiration at the moment ... I feel like I am in some odd limbo band out but awaiting the sleeve operation.. November feels so far away .. I have joined C-u-r-v -e-s, which was a little scary getting on the scales and going through the whole sign up thing... I think it will be a good start for me as I feel like I am starting from scratch again. I think after a period of time the circuits will get a little boring and I would feel ready for the next thing! I am going to give it 12months. I am hoping that group fitness in the park or the big gym is what I am read for in 12 months. 

I'd love to have a fitness plan that included lots of variety. I have come to terms with the fact that working the way I do 24hour shifts across a 7 day roster I am never going to have a routine.  So I have decided to see exercise as an opportunistic event if I have 30 mins free home or at work then that's enough time to do something.

If I am at home I will go to C-U-R-V-E-S, use my yoga DVD, treadmill, weights or take my new little puppy Wallace to the park at the end of the street, the beach 5 mins walk or around the block.

If I am at work there is stairs so many stairs ... the hospital is surrounded by parkland's so a walk around the park or there is an impressive hill that always makes me work hard. 

I have to forget trying to conform to a routine and start seeing a 30 minute window as an opportunity to get some exercise in. 

Last week I took Wallace to the beach 4 times for 30mins each time, as he gets bigger he will be able to walk for longer so that will be good. I also got in 2 c-u-r-v-e-s workouts and parked a lot further away from work then normal. 

Today the 1st day of the week I went to C-u-r-v-e-s this morning whilst being on call and am planning a trip to the beach if this weather holds for Wallace later on once I have finished all this paper work ! 

The countdown continues to the sleeve ..... the only way is forward ! 

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

And the Date is ...

November 1st 2012 is my sleeve operation day !!!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Today is my post op follow up appt

So today I am off to see my incredibly good looking surgeon for a post op follow up. Hoping to discuss his findings at my band removal and discuss the next step. Nervous much ? Mm yes !

Feeling pretty good 2 weeks today since the surgery I'd be lying if I said it was easier then I thought ! Turns out it was a lot more intense. My stomach still thinks there's a band there I can only eat a small portion and get stabbing pain if I eat anything too hard.

Will post later about the date I am given

Monday, June 4, 2012

Day 6 post band removal

Today is day 6 post op... I am feeling much better needing less medication only late in the afternoon and at night. I drove today for the 1st time since the OP. Only a very short drive but it felt good to get out Cabin fever certainly set in yesterday and continued today with some very grumpy behaviour !  Tonight the top wound was so itchy that I could not stop scratching it I had a small reaction to the tape so I pulled it off... hmmm it looks rather raw and the itch is worse... hoping I have something to cover it in the first aid kit ekkk

Doing lots of reading and preparing myself for my post op appointment Wednesday week. 

Friday, June 1, 2012

Day 3 post op Band removal

Ticking along at home post op... Last night my first night at home was painful, I had  the drug mix all wrong so ended up  having to wait up in pain till midnight to get it sorted. The tablets lasted 4hours and 15mins and I was awake again ready for more! I had to prop myself up on pillows as being too flat was painful. I don't remember getting the band in being this painful... I am on fluids and small amounts of soft foods, I tried some firmer food but the pain was awful. Small amounts of fluid often also happening, Apparently it will be puffy for a few days yet. Still pondering the choice and what lays ahead ... 

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

It's out, I woke up alive and survived the night!!!

Terrified yesterday I went through with my bands removal. My doctor wants to do the revision surgery in 2 stages to minimize the risks. Whilst I get thing from my article search on all the medical journals I have to say I was a bit disappointed. For 3 reasons
1. I have annual leave at the moment till June 18th and getting it over with now would mean no more time off work.
2. I will find out when the gastric sleeve can happen today it may be 3-6 months.
3. I will be free falling with out a band or anything for that matter for this time .. Ok there's a 4th
I want my life back

The pain of getting it out hasn't been so bad. I hate waking up from the general feeling like a truck has run you over and a horse kicking you in the guts. Once I got back to the ward 6pmish and could wake up a bit more I texted and rang everyone who wanted to know I was ok. Slowly got moving bathroom stop and got out of that ugly gown!! Managed with just panadol till 1030pm. Managed 1/2 hot tea, apple juice and a small jelly.

It's 650am now and I have managed to nap between blood pressure checks and 4 hourly panadol. So home today with hopefully so Idea about when I may be able to have the sleeve.

A lovely thing that happened was that the nurse looking after me tonight has had a sleeve 2 years ago . She lost 48kg in 18 months feels well rarely hungry and manages all foods. So inspiring to talk too and she gave me some info for the doctor we both are using and his Facebook support forum,

Blogger on my iPhone is amazing I am going to be blogging this whole thing .


Gorgeous gown and stocking and the IVT pole I'll post some. Photos of my new scars soon.

Monday, May 28, 2012

2 days till the band comes out

I having been trying to write this post for days ... So I have thought long and hard about this band and the last 2 years
and today is the day it comes out ...

Do I feel like a failure ?
In someways sure I know I could have done things differently. Then on the other hand I think I gave it a pretty good go.

This time last year I was in the America feeling skinny having a awesome holiday weight 107kg today I checked into the hospital at 131kg . I was speechless at the numbers, 2kg high then the day I arrived here for my Lapband 2 years 3 months ago. I also had a flash back to feeling 107kg feeling dizzy, dehydrated, constantly nervous in social situations regular pb's and some times  vomiting blood. I think I vomited almost everyday for the last 12 months. The abdo wall irritation is constant now where the tubing runs.

What does this all mean ? Where to from now? It's pretty clear that I need help. My  relationships feel chaotic and I am reminded of the stats about relationship failure that I read in the beginning of this. Do relationships struggle when lapbands work well and when they fail ? There is glimmers of hope but they all centre around me taking charge of my life and making some changes starting with removing the lapband.

Terrified to get it out and be on my own but more terrified about not being an active participant in my life...

Am I doing the right thing I'll never know ... Well maybe I will only time will tell  ...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Failed Lap Band

"After 6 years, for every failed gastric bypass, there were 4 failed lap bands (with failure determined by BMI greater than 35 or reversal of the procedure). For every 1 long-term bypass complication there were 2 lap band complications, and for every 1 re-operation of a bypassed patient, there were 2 of lap banded ones."

This is from here

So I have a failed lap band ....  yep its true ... I can not get restriction ... I can not find that balance 5.5cc is too loose and 5.6cc is too tight...  Is it me ... Am I the failure.. or is the bank not the right fit for me...

So very devastated to be heading towards 2 years post banding and still have a BMI above 35 ...

I have been soul searching mixing it up.. exercising ...I feel like I am a merry-go-round ... I am either starving or pbing... I chuck everyday ... even on shakes and mushies...

I have booked a second opinion  with another surgeon but can't get in till April 18th ....

I need to gather myself up and make a plan until then... I need my life back.. I need my self esteem back I need to feel ok in my own skin...  Sob sob sob

I will keep blogging the progress as I need an outlet so badly and feel like such a failure .... I am so embarrassed ..

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Update ....head first fearless

So after my September post, things got really bad the band was so tight !  I went for 26hours with out being able to get a drop of water down and bringing up my spit every few hours. By the time I realised that not even water was going down it was past 10pm. So I waited till 8am rang the doctors office and they squeezed me in for 11am. Not thinking right I headed into work for a few hours so I could get everything done and make my appointment with out taking a sick day. I made it till 10am before I was mid sentence and hit the deck.. never having fainted before it was an awful experience. My co-worker got an Gelco in me and some IV fluids and I was fine just dry as a chip! Luck for me I work in a large hospital so everything was at hand.

So off to the doc I the waiting room I was suddenly over come up the need to pb and I did a large amount of what looked like dark brown cottage cheese ... My medical training told me I'd just vomited blood and my Doc then confirmed it. So sadly the band was completely deflated and an endoscopy was booked, I was given some tablets for reflux and told to go back to fluids. This was the end of September and they could not do the endoscope till December 1st!!!!!

So no fill from September till December arhhhh it was terrible ...... The Endo showed reflux with some damage from it other wise normal no slippage no erosion all OK. So it was another week before I could get back into see them for a fill. So 3 weeks post fill now and I am plodding and very ready for my next fill next Thursday 12th !

I have started a 12 week challenge using meal replacements 2 a day to kick start 2012 for me till i get this fill in the right spot! I am ready and so very focused ....

My word for 2012 is FEARLESS ...