Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Open for business.....

Does anyone  ever feel like your band has open for eating times and closed for eating times!
So the last 3 days this is how my band rolls..

545am when I wake anything more then a sip of water bounces back up..

630am 1st cup of tea approx 1/4 takes approx 1 hour to get down

800am Venti latte ( ended up taking till 3pm to drink 3/4 of it, it became an iced latte)

3pm 1/2 a small bran and raisin cookie very bouncy but got it down

5pm 1/2 cup of tea took an hour

630pm Thai soup blended ( bounced straight back up ) pb'ed all of it!

830pm 1/4 cup rice 2 small bits of green curry chicken, hot chocolate, 500mls of  water and small nonfat yogurt. All down perfectly in fact could have kept eating but felt full.

950pm  the other half of the bran raisin cookie ...No go!!!! pb'ed band now closed for business!

so it seems I have a window of approx 1.5hours a day to eat?  Which I guess is OK but today at work I did feel like I needed more water slightly light headed... hmm what to do if we take some out I am starving and can eat everything but this is a little too tight maybe??? 6 days till I see the doctor and I am not even sure the scale is moving!!!

Any advice?? Does anyone else have this happen to them?? Advice greatly appreciated.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Keeping the faith

Day 5 keeping the faith ...

My restriction has well and truly kicked in, Friday I had a" nothing is going down  today" day! I had a mouthful of stewed apple late Thursday night so I could take some pain medication. That clearly wasn't a good idea as I then had to vomit it up at 11am the next morning so I could get some water down! Very strange is was there above band for over 12 hours! After that I just had fluids as I didn't want to upset the band anymore!

I am back to weighing everyday I know there is such a shift in fluid daily and that this reflects on the scale that but it helps me get an idea about what is happening and to some extent what is actual and what is water. I think I am on the way down now. 10 days till I have to see my doctor again to see if I am back on track..

It's a gorgeous day here in Australia the sun is shining blue skies, its a warm 30 (86) degrees and the smell of spring is in the air, our veggie garden is starting to really take off and the spring flowers are in full bloom.

It's a lovely day in the neighbourhood


Thursday, September 15, 2011

Day 2 operation back on track...

So day 2 is over .... I survived made good food choices... no Pb's no slime..

shakes in the day and a small 1/2 cup of soup for lunch, small dinner low carbs ..

Walked around the neighbourhood a bit but my shoulders playing up ... trying not to let it get to me!

I wonder if I need a tiny bit more of a fill ... I am not satisfied as long as I'd like..

Back to daily weighs ..

Onward and upward people I can do this!!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The walk of shame ...

I have gained and not just a bit but a lot.... Straight off the back of a long plateau here I am 18 months post band and I've gained...

I bite the bullet made an appointment with my doctor and did the walk into his office weighing 7kg heavier then when I last walked in there... and that time I had gained 6kg so I am 12kg up and I am so ashamed of it!  I've had no restriction for at least 2 month and have been eating anything and everything really.  I missed 2 appointments with my doctor in between all of this, and this is where we are at.

2011 has thrown all it's punches at me surely... its been a hell of a year. My head and heart has been everywhere but on my journey.. I have felt so detached from myself and my journey this last 8 months putting all my energy into the shambles around me.

In summary the events that have happened are mostly to do with my family. My beloved Grandmother died a hugely emotional time for me and my family and whilst I know she had lived her best life, my heart still aches and I miss her. 3 days after her death my Mother was diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer, there is no treatment and no cure its a slow rare cancer that's actually an endocrine cancer, they can only treat the symptoms it could be fast it could be slow no one can tell us. My mum is now off ticking off her bucket list visiting Europe with her entourage of medications to make her as well as possible she wont be back for 3 months!!! I miss her a lot... Today my Dad was told he has cancer.. we don't know all the information yet but its not looking good... On top of this I injured my shoulder at work I've been off work on workers comp for the last 3 weeks its such a hard process I am racked with guilt about not being at work, letting my team down and the patients I look after. I am also dealing with an injury that's is so painful and affecting every part of my life.

So its clear I am an emotional eater... I just want to sooth my aching heart and sad self with food... but look where it has gotten me... the walk of shame is no place I want to be.

SO .... whats the plan Man??!!///!?!?!?!?

After the walk of shame yesterday I got up today with motivation and drive to turn this situation around... I was doing so well till 2pm when my Dad told me his news.. in fact I continued to have a good day I didn't eat anything terrible .. I had my shakes brekkie and lunch. I had grilled chicken and salad for dinner and 3 squares of chocolate with a latte after..  I surprised myself with how well I did... Do I feel like giving up ? giving in?? lying on the floor and crying like a baby.. yep I totally do.. yet to the outside world I'll continue to be bulletproof... and somewhere I am going to find some strength to focus on my journey and be the best I can!

Now all my whinging out the way...

After a long hard look at myself, my goals, my plans and my health... It's back to basics for me..

Small meals, chewing, no fluid with meals.. not sure where my restriction is at but back to doc in 2 weeks to check it out..

I am back on shakes brekkie and lunch and low carb dinner, 2L of water and some fruit or a high fibre snack if I need it.

I am also pledging to blog this journey to sort the things going on around me here.. and I don't mind if no one reads this...  the most important thing is to keep blogging away and keeping it real so that no more walks of shame happen!!!

Thank you for listening blog xx